Sunday, January 31, 2010

Remembering Shadow ...

Mom has been going through old journals ... before I got lucky and landed in her home, she had a dog named Shadow. She rescued Shadow from the country streets of Owasso, Oklahoma .. he was starving, cuts all over him and she soon discovered a gun shot wound that pierced his ear, shattered and left lead in his skull. Shadow suffered from seizures for the first couple years. He was always petrified of loud noises and especially fireworks. He hated July 4th as it would bring back horrible memories for him. Mom lost Shen to spleen cancer on September 15, 2006. Then on July 2, 2007, she lost Shadow to intestinal cancer.

She wrote the following in her journal on July 5, 2006:

"Dear Shadow,

I am so sorry that fireworks scare you. I am sorry that they send shivers through your body. That fear runs through your veins, trapped in the complex web of life. At the sound of the fireworks it's as if there is a raging river inside of you, and you are drowning. We try to throw a life jacket for you to hold onto, but so caught up in fear, you flail, causing yourself to sink further into the raging river that has ripped you from the comfort of your bed. I am just glad that this fear does not cause you to have a seizure. It's been a while since you've had a seizure. If you were to ever have a seizure again I would feel fear rush through my veins, like you have felt it.

I will always love you my sweet little boy. I am so sorry for what you have to go through. If I could take the fear away I would. I hope you know I will always be here for you. Some July 4th you will no longer be with us, and I will look back on the years we had you, and the sleepless nights of trying to hold you and calm your spirit, and my heart will ache for one more July 4th

For a month (in June, 2007) after mom was told Shadow had intestinal cancer and he was dying she slept with him on the couch downstairs so she could let him outside and comfort him and attend to his needs. She asked him to let her know when it was time for her to let him go. In the early morning of July 2nd, 2007, Shadow let her know. For the first time ever, he dug a small hole by the ashes of mom's previous animals, and burrowed his body in the hole. In that moment, mom knew, it was time. Shadow did not want to go through another July 4th.

Mom created a video in honor of Shadow ... to celebrate his glorious life. She still misses him. I tell her, Shadow is still with her and will always be in her heart, just as I am always in her heart. Click here to watch the video celebrating Shadow's life.

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